How to Improve Your Child’s Mental Health: Tips From a Therapist
As a licensed professional counselor, I love working with children to help them become more aware of their feelings and cope with the ups and downs of life. As important as it is to take good care of our children’s physical wellbeing, it’s just as important to take care of their mental health. While not all mental health issues can be prevented, as a parent, you can take steps to help keep your child as mentally healthy as possible.
First and foremost, mental health struggles are nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. In fact, it can be incredibly empowering to become aware of any chemical imbalances in the brain that may be contributing to mental health challenges. Remind your child that these feelings and experiences are normal and that they are not alone. 7.1% of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have diagnosed anxiety (CDC).
In this blogpost, I’m going to be sharing how to identify mental health struggles in children, coping methods to help them through it, and ways to improve your child’s self-esteem and self-worth. Let’s get started!
Part 1: Identifying Mental Health Struggles in Children
Maybe your child struggles to leave your side to go to school. Maybe they constantly complain of a tummy ache. Maybe they start wanting to sleep in your room again. Or maybe they begin asking questions about anything and everything they can think of. These are just a few signs that your child is experiencing anxiety.
There may be many factors that can lead to mental health challenges in children, such as having a long term physical illness, being bullied at school, and experiencing the loss of someone close to them. Other times, it may be a chemical imbalance or genes that affect a child’s mental health. Some symptoms that indicate a mental health struggle are:
Persistent sadness:
Whether your child explicitly says that they feel sad or you notice them feeling down, tired, or unmotivated, be aware of when your child exhibits feelings of sadness.
Withdrawing from and/or avoiding social interactions:
Not wanting to participate in activities that your child once found interest in, or being reclusive and distant from friends can signify that your child is feeling depressed or anxious.
Uncontrollable behavior that can be harmful:
When a child is irritable, angry, or self-destructive, it can often be that they are feeling anxious and don’t know how to express it. If they’re acting out, it could be that they are going through a life transition -- perhaps they are switching schools or becoming an older sibling or watching their parents go through a divorce -- and they don’t know how to react. It could also be a chemical imbalance in the brain that is causing their behavior and they themselves are also confused by why they are behaving in that manner.
Drastic changes in mood, behavior, or personality:
Similarly, if a child is acting differently or their moods have shifted, it could be a result of them struggling internally.
Difficultly sleeping and concentrating:
If your child is having trouble sleeping or concentrating, take notice of when they are experiencing these troubles the most and if there is something that has been on their mind that cause these issues.
Part 2: Coping Methods for Children With Mental Health Struggles
As a parent, it can feel overwhelming when your child is struggling and you don’t know how to help them. The first step is to validate their feelings. Make sure that they feel seen and heard and taken seriously. Being empathetic and validating how your child is feeling can help them feel comfortable opening up to you and give you a better sense of what your child is going through, and how you can help them. Here are a few ways you can help your child cope:
Validate their emotions:
I said it before but I will repeat it a million times — validate, validate, validate. When your child comes to you and expresses that they feel anxious, the worst thing to do is invalidate them by saying something like, “What do you have to feel anxious about? You’re a kid. You don’t need to worry about putting food on the table or paying bills.” Even if you’re trying to be positive and teach your child to have a positive attitude, it can actually be more harmful than helpful when a child is experiencing anxiety or depression. Toxic positivity can be saying things like “Just be grateful. There are people who have it so much worse. Look on the bright side and only focus on the good.” Saying this can often just create more guilt and shame and prevent them from asking for help when they’re struggling.
Create a “worry time”:
The mind can be a scary place to wander alone at night. If your child is having trouble sleeping or concentrating because they are too anxious, designating a “worry time” to give them the space to share everything that is making them anxious, overwhelmed, or sad can help them release those feelings and feel comforted. During “worry time,” taking a piece of paper and having you or your child write everything that is troubling them and then being able to look at it on paper can be very therapeutic. Our thoughts are often much scarier in our heads, and when we see them on paper, it feels more manageable. Then you can talk about solutions or things that could help with the worries on their list. Not only will this help them sleep better and be able to concentrate more, they will feel supported and comforted.
Teach them meditation:
Meditation is one of the most powerful tools when it comes to improving mental health. Meditation doesn’t need to be sitting down in silence repeating a mantra, although it definitely could be. Meditation can be mindfully listening to music, painting, doing breathing exercises, or simply observing the thoughts that pass by. When you teach your child how to be present with themselves from a young age, you are setting them up for success in all areas of their lives.
Name the feeling:
This is a simple one, but it is certainly powerful. Sometimes the simple act of naming a feeling as anxiety or sadness or overwhelm can make your child feel better. Take a minute to acknowledge how they are feeling and teach them to honor their emotions and not push them down.
Challenge them to a tech detox:
Studies show that social media and technology have a direct impact on mental health. Both children and adults are glued to their phones, tablets, and laptops, so this isn’t only an issue with children. Encourage your kids to take short breaks from technology and find other fun and meaningful activities that are away from technology.
Take them to therapy to talk about what they’re feeling:
As a therapist, I’m able to witness the tremendous benefits that therapy can have on a child's overall wellbeing. Having the support of someone who they can talk openly with, without fear of judgement or invalidation, can be life-changing. Therapy helps your child become more self-aware and in-tune with their emotions and develop healthy ways to cope.
Show kids that having a mixture of struggle and strength is normal:
Teaching your children that as humans, we are going to experience an array of emotions, and that feeling down does not mean that they are a failure.
Take care of your own mental health:
Lastly, taking care of your own mental health is one of the most important things to do as a parent. Even as adults, we still have an inner child within us that needs tending to, and it’s absolutely crucial to nurture and care for your own mental wellbeing. Whether it’s going to therapy or group therapy, meditating, setting healthy boundaries, or being compassionate with yourself; by doing this, you are setting an example for your children to do the same.
Part 3: How to Build Self-Esteem in Children:
Self-esteem can start as early as babyhood. It can start just because a child feels safe, loved, and accepted. It can start when a baby gets positive attention and loving care. As kids grow, their self-esteem can grow too. As they become more independent and feel more capable, their confidence and self-esteem will increase as a result.
All children are different, but there are things parents can do to raise their children’s self-esteem. Here are a few:
Lead by example:
As a parent, how you carry yourself and do certain things will impact your children in a massive way. When you speak kindly about yourself, it teaches your child to speak kindly about themselves. When you refrain from criticizing yourself or your body in front of them, it makes it less likely that they’ll be critical of themselves or their body.
Provide genuine, realistic praise to establish self-esteem:
There is a balance when it comes to praising children. It’s important to praise your children, of course, but it’s also important how you praise them. Excessive praise may cause an inflated sense of self that can create unrealistic standards. Provide genuine, realistic praise and make sure your child knows that they are enough and you are proud of them.
Let your child take healthy risks:
We don’t want to see our children fail, but we also want to give them a sense of resilience and courage and confidence. Whether it’s trying out for a sports team (even if they aren’t the best at that sport) or going out of their comfort zone, remind your children that they are capable, and even if they do not succeed, you are still proud of them.
Focus on their strengths:
When speaking to your child, focus on their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses. If you want to motivate them, positive reinforcement will create a greater sense of self-esteem than trying to motivate them with criticism.
Reframe your words:
As a parent, reframing your words to more positive ones is a way for you to find the good in your children's’ behavior. Reframing is a way for a parent to help their child shift their focus from what they think they can’t do to what they can do.
Here are a few phrases parents should refrain from saying, along with phrases that they can use to reframe the situation. For example:
“You don’t feel this way” → “It’s okay to feel the way you’re feeling.”
“Why can’t you be more like your sibling?” → “You’re unique and you are important to me.”
“Why did you get this wrong” → “It’s okay to make mistakes, to exist, and be who you are.”
“Calm down” → “When you’re ready, let’s take a deep breath and talk about it.”
Speak positively to your child
Words can build kids up, and they can just as easily tear them down. Children are sponges and they soak in the messages they hear from an early age. Well-chosen expressions have the power to motivate your children to behave better, work hard, persevere, and pick themselves up after a setback. Some phrases to repeat to your children are:
“You don’t have to be perfect to be amazing”
“Don’t be afraid to be yourself”
“You can try again tomorrow”
“Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay.”
“Even if you make a mistake, you can fix it.”
Lastly…
Remember to remind your child that it’s okay to feel their feelings and that they are not alone. Simply having the space to honor the emotion without judgment is such an important practice to learn at a young age. Empower them to speak openly about their feelings and not keep things inside. Be compassionate with yourself and your child on this journey and know that there is help available. We would love to support you and your child. Reach out to hello@healingpathwayshouston.com or call (832) 895-9358 to learn more.